Self Care by Russell Smith

Reviewed by Tim Niedermann

Gloria, a woman in her mid-twenties, is a freelance writer whose weekly column, “Daily Self Care,” appears in the Hype Report, an on-line magazine. It doesn’t pay well, but at least she has a job, a thought that occurs to her often. She shares an apartment with Autumn, a woman her age who is depressed, even suicidal at times. And she is close friends with Isabel, but lately she feels Isabel is hiding something from her. Gloria’s relationships with men are unsatisfying in the full meaning of the phrase. She has grown tired of her off-and-on meet-ups with Florian, who has started to enjoy choking her when they have sex, something she does not enjoy.

While stewing about Florian one day on her way to the gym, she encounters a man around her age in a subway station. He is with a group of black-clad males coming from a demonstration against the Ontario legislature. Surprisingly Gloria finds herself attracted to him, and they chat. His name is Daryn, and soon they begin to see each other. Daryn is not like Florian in that he is shy and down on himself, an incel (involuntary celibate). As such, he is hyper-sensitive and often over-reacts to things she says, and this makes for a rocky relationship. Still, she somehow feels the need to be with him. Daryn is both a willing sex partner and resentful male, wanting to give pleasure but seething at the perceived injustices being heaped on him, even by Gloria. He frequents websites where men like him vent at the world about everything, often in violent terms. This worries Gloria.

In the acknowledgments section at the end of the book, author Russell Smith notes that “the writing of this book was refused funding by the Canada Council [for the Arts], the Ontario Arts Council and the Toronto Arts Council.” An odd statement from a writer as accomplished as Smith. The likely reason, however, is that the sex scenes in the book are very graphic, almost pornographic. To be fair, these are not erotic, instead, rather technical in tone. At first blush this is a bit confusing, but after reflection it makes sense. Like so much else in their world, sex for twenty-somethings has been turned into a performance to be evaluated against demanding, often unrealistic standards proliferating on social media.

In Self Care, Smith is adroitly capturing the volatile, anxiety-ridden world of men and women in their twenties. People’s twenties are always a period of adjustment to post-education existence. Worries abound. Everyone is stressed about money, their social life, finding love, sexual performance, their future, even their identity as a person. But these days those stressors are vastly more acute, not least because of the on-line universe that everyone is immersed in.

What Smith brings out so effectively is the confusion all of this creates. His characters are sure about something one minute, smothered in doubt the next. Insensitive, over sensitive, aloof, self-conscious. Making oneself understood is difficult. The characters often seem to talk past each other, creating even more uncertainty for each other. And for some the self-doubt this creates can deepen into thoughts of self-harm. Gloria is at once an observer and a participant in all this, trying to understand what is going on around her while caught up in its maelstrom.

Self Care is a revealing rollercoaster ride, a compassionate yet unflinching window into troubled lives of today’s young adults.

Self Care is published by Biblioasis.